dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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