I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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