I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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