just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
