I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
