All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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