Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
