ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
