So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
