I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
