Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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