Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
