so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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