I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize