How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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