We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
