i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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