you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
