Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize