hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
