i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The adults are the big ones right?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
