dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
