Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Come share oat with me in your robe
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
