he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Be still, my beating vagina.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
