Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
