He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
