Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
