felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
That accounts for only three of the penises
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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