So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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