I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
