I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
