I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
