I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize