Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
