if i can run in heels then i can drive
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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