if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
