Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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