I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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