his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
