the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
