I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize