she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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