ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
