Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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