Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
