She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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