I am spending my child support on dildos
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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