my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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