I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize