where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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