He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
