Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
