drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
