Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
