literally had 100 drinks last night.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
