the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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