You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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