Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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