You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
