his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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