Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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