1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize