she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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