Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
