we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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