I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
