Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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