I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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