question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
