We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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