eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
