He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
