In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
