There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Houston, we have a squirter
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
