And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
