she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize