ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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