We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
