I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
