mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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