So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
