Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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