I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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