she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
