Non-Jews are for practice
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
