I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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