Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
