So drunk its hurt
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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