I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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