he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
