2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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