it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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