Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
