Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
