I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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