I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
