I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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