You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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