I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
