that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
