Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
