Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
