We got so high we made milksteak
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
