you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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