The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
well, you know. whores of a feather.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
