another moral hangover. fuck.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
