I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
