Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
