Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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