I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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