I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
