I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
