chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
