nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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