Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
this is an emotional support booty call
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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