Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize