Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
