i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
