Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
