Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
so much tequila, so little girl.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
